Devastation

It has been a very upsetting week watching the news of the Bush-fires in Victoria.

Many years ago I stood at the top of a Hill and watched a fire sweep from my right to left across the gully below. It was an awesome sight. Simply because you could only be in awe of the power and ferocity with which a fire can move. This very quickly turned to absolute terror as we realized that these flames had now changed direction and were heading up the Hill towards us. We were in the car and out of there in seconds. Scared S***less, we headed for home. The next day the true reality of that nights events became clear.

How did we manage to be there? Out of Stupidity is the only way to put it. It was the 16th February 1983. We had been at the Templestowe hotel for a few hours and watched many Fire Engines drive past. So being early 20’s males what do you do, you jump in your cars and go and look. We ended up in the Belgrave Heights area and very easily got to the fire front. Most of the roads leading into the area had been blocked off by Police, but being Rally and Motor-sport enthusiasts we had all practiced in the area around the Dandenong Ranges and we knew “back ways” to get to where we thought we wanted to be. We didn’t want to be there, we shouldn’t have been there.

It was the most frightening thing that I have seen, and I can still feel the fear that I felt that night.

Bushfire rages out of control from the Bunyip State Park. Photo: Jason South

I have watched intently the news from Victoria this week. Having lived in Victoria for most of my younger years I know most of these areas well. We used to stay at a friends house in Flowerdale. The one thing that I have seen, is that Ash Wednesday seems to fade into a lesser event. I don’t want to put down what people went through that day, but these fires look so much worse, the devastation greater. Really we shouldn’t compare. The loss of life, the panic that people felt, these are not things that are to be judged. How do you compare raw emotion.

From my perspective, this is so much bigger than that.

My thoughts and prayers are with all the people that are a part of this tragedy. This is not over by a long shot. There are thousands of people who have been displaced by this tragedy. The thoughts of what to do next must be daunting to say the least.

It has been touching to see and hear the stories of courage, mateship, and the way in which the whole country has pulled together, pooled their resources, and just want to see how they can help.

The one thing that I know will get all of you through this is the Australian Spirit, but in saying that please remember, grieve for your losses, be thankful for your favours, and be there for each other. Please don;t think you have to do this on your own.

God bless you all.

Thinking…..

Today I watched Australian Story on the ABC, as I did last Saturday too. Both episodes were shown last year, and both touched me deeply.

Last weeks episode was about a teenager that committed suicide. She had clinical depression and was struggling to deal with it. It showed the ups and downs of her feelings and what events lead up to her tragically taking her life, and how her family travelled along this journey with her, and then how they came to terms with the loss. It was titled “the girl least likely” as to the outside world she was doing ok, compared to the turmoil she felt within.

This weeks episode told the story of a Doctor in Melbourne who always went beyond the call, did a lot of extra hours helping refugees from neighbouring suburbs, and was tragically killed by one of these patients that suffered from a Mental Illness. It highlighted the methods now being used to earlier intercept the issue of depression and psychosis by picking up warning signs.

This week I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. I can sit here quite calmly typing this post, but 7 days ago I was a different person. I had the worst few days of my life. I went through magnitude of emotions and had become manic. I couldn’t stop doing things, because if I did I would then be left with my thoughts. Where my thoughts wanted me to go, and what they were telling me to do was horrific. I had friends that were trying to calm me down, both here and through my online social media sources. To me, I felt like slamming imaginary doors in their faces, but in reality I knew what they said was true. I just had to get through until I could seek help.

There are lots of ways which people greet the news of having depression, and the most common is “why am I so weak?” or they are told by those around them to “buck up” as generally people think its just a state of mind. I have lived around people with depression, psychosis, and mood swing disorders so was able to look upon it as, “well that’s not surprising” now I need to follow the due process to deal with it. I have started a course of medication and immediately have seen some benefits. You don’t sleep well when you have racing thoughts, and this just builds and builds to the point where you don’t want to even go to bed. I am now sleeping fairly well, and the changes this makes to my thought processes has been huge. I almost feel like I’m human again.

Some of the symptoms that I had gone through were:

• Racing thoughts – my brain never seemed to  stop.
• Thoughts of Self Harm – not good when mowing the lawn.
• Sleeplessness.
• A feeling of hopelessness.
• The “Fight or Flight” sensation.
• A feeling of impending doom, or dread deep in my chest.
• Unable to think straight.
• Anger and irritability.
• Irrational thoughts about day to day things

And the list could go on and on.

I have always been passionate baout causes like Beyond Blue as I have lived with those that have various Mental Illness for many years. It is only now that the way in which it sneaks up and grabs hold so fast has become truly apparent. I could have done something very stupid and hurt myself and those that love me without even thinking or caring about it. I was lucky, I still had enough of my wits about me to know that I could push through and get help. Not everbody is that lucky.

If you or one of your friends are showing signs similar to those that I have listed, then seek help. Talk to somebody, get the wheels moving somehow to get help for yourself or your friend.

Here are some links for you to check out too

• Reach Out
• Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
  
• Lifeline 131 114
• Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800